Just a quick update to let you know I did indeed eat the Baked Lays and Helluva Good French Onion Dip. Not all at once, but a handful or so. And up until today, I've been a wee bit obsessed with the combo. But, it’s all good. I haven’t pigged out, just let myself have it whenever I felt like it and generally eating healthy the rest of the time.
And today I have absolutely no interest in Baked Lays and Helluva Good French Onion Dip.
That spree is spent.
Funny thing, I have no clue what’s next. Remember I told you about that list of forbidden, fattening, guilt-ridden foods? I don’t know what I want to work on next. Hmmmm….
It’s a very, very strange feeling for me to eat what I want when I want. I mean, I was never the type of person to completely forbid any food. Like on vacations, I would eat what I wanted for the most part, but I always felt the need to plan things out. I guess because that’s what most dieting programs tell you to do. And it does work. If I make chicken and salad ahead of time, put my meals in containers, it’s so easy.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with being prepared and planning ahead. For me, the problem has been the fearful need to control what I eat so I don’t dare gain a pound. But then I spent several months tracking the calories of what I would eat in a day, and even on a maintenance plan…I was not eating enough.
That worried me.
There’s no way that 1500 calories/day was appropriate for a woman who works out an hour a day, including strength training and jogging. Uh uh. But if I ate more than that, I did indeed gain weight. Is something wrong with my metabolism? *sigh*
I’m trying to overcome a lot of guilt associated with eating while making sure my body has the nutrients and calories it needs to get out of the starved/dieting state it’s been in for fifteen years.
Some days the guilt takes over and I have this incredibly intense urge to go back to my controlling ways.
I wanted to hop on the scale so bad, but I knew the end result would be a long day haunted by the number. Unless the number was down from last week, I would feel that compulsion to diet and lose weight. It never fails. I WANT to see the scale move down.
But I’m sticking to the intuitive eating thing. I have to give this the real college try. And I HAVE to get out of the weight-loss haunted house. My life is supposed to be about so much more than food and scales and pounds.
I hate the scale today because I want to step on it so bad.
But I haven't.
I need to choose a new play food for the upcoming week. I seriously have no clue what I want to work on, so here’s the list: Which would you choose? (and yes, my list is very specific)
Turkey Hill’s Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup Ice Cream
Cheeto’s - Crunchy
Snyder’s Honey Mustard and Onion Pretzel Pieces
Cheez Its and Tomato Soup
Kozy Shack Rice Pudding
Coconut and Pecan Oatmeal Cookies (homemade)